Monthly Archives: August 2015

woman’s touch

A Woman’s Touch

Here’s a re-post of an article I wish I had written myself (although I would not have used the word “ironic”).  

It expresses a philosophy I’ve long thought about as I’ve seen powerful women at work/play; I’ve been married to one who raised her daughter to be one (and succeeded). 

I believe that strength and power can be gentle without giving up firmness of resolve or fierceness if and when necessary. 




The Most Beautiful Women in the World Are Invisible

by Jack Balkwill / August 27th, 2015

The first time, ever I saw your face,

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

to the dark and the endless skies”

— Ewan MacColl

We live in a culture that promotes images of beautiful women everywhere we look.  Turn on the TV and commercials feature super models standing beside products the capitalists want us to buy.  Step outside and you see them on billboards doing same.  Online they lurk at the outer edges of our screen, sirens luring us to purchase sports cars, perfume, or smart phones.

But the attention falls short of the most beautiful women in the world, who are involved with making a better world.  We do not see them on our TVs, billboards, or mainstream media web pages.

Ironically, the jobs which contribute the most toward making a better world usually pay the tiniest fraction of what a super model makes, and require one to do without material things. We see more women than men in both doing this kind of work and providing the leadership in the social justice movement, environmental movement, peace movement and other magnificent causes.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to those who watch women performing heroic acts daily all over the world that they take on jobs to make our world better, and is a remarkable compliment to the female gender.

Every day, unseen in distant places, women give their last food to children and die of starvation, an act as courageous as any other, although we almost never hear their names, as a child dies of hunger-related causes every ten seconds.  Overlooking this, our popular movies generally depict male characters as the heroes.

Last week two women completed Army Ranger training and received headlines throughout the mainstream press, even as thousands of female heroes remain nameless.

It is ironic that women receive recognition when they perform as trained killers rather than at their more traditional, nurturing roles.

I have mixed feelings about this Ranger achievement.  On the one hand I want women to reach high goals and lead fulfilled lives.  I want women to be president, chief justice of the Supreme Court, and attain other high offices.  On the other hand I don’t think women are advanced by becoming elite assassins.

I’ve long believed, as is said in Eastern philosophy, that gender balance is best for harmony in the universe.  It should not be thought of as an end goal that there are more women in the US Congress than ever before, but that the goal should be that it become fully half female, so we have very far to go.

But in wanting a female president of the USA, we shouldn’t want a militant Margaret Thatcher, called by a Soviet journalist “The Iron Lady,” nor a Golda Meir, called by Former Israeli Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion “The best man in government.”

It is disgusting that women are asked to be manly before they can be recognized as good leaders.  This seems to me to be a test that rules out most of the best females.  Of course, the manly test is really to judge whether these leaders are ruthless enough to slaughter the enemies of the ruling oligarchs and plutocrats, as male leaders are traditionally tasked.

I would love to see a president of the United States who was a traditional female, nurturing our dysfunctional planet.  She would be skilled at demilitarizing and negotiating peace, cleaning up the environment, feeding the hungry, healing the sick and bringing the people of the world together in harmony.  She wouldn’t care at all if those in power called her soft or emotional, she would see that as a strength.

When people accuse women of being too emotional to hold high office, they ignore reality.  How often have we seen, just prior to going to war, male leaders rattling the saber and emotionally screaming out for war?  I believe it is a myth that women are more emotional, we are simply taught in our youth to display our emotions more openly if female, and hide them if male.

As a combat vet, I would much prefer to see a female leader shedding tears at the thought of our going to war than a jingoist John McCain emotionally shouting out his desire to obliterate a nation in the way of capitalist greed, burning their crops and slaughtering their children as realistically happens in war.

It would be wonderful if girls today had as a role model a powerful female who was courageous enough to stand for world peace, a clean planet, and a fair distribution of wealth, a woman like Jill Stein who is running for president without a single word from the entire mainstream press, all determined that such a person will not be seen by the masses.

Instead, corporate media give us Hillary Clinton, who voted for war with Iraq as a Senator and encouraged the slaughter of thousands in Libya and Syria (among other nations) as Secretary of State.  From the Republican side we are given massive coverage of Carly Fiorina, who laid off 30,000 people in her company, damning their hopes.  These are women with the mentality of Army Rangers, able to cut throats as coldly as any man, the obvious reason they are recognized as qualified in a patriarchal system serving plutocrats.

In Eastern philosophy the female energy, yin, is opposite the male energy, yang, but just as powerful.  It is thought that when the two are given equal representation, there is harmony.  When too much power resides in one of them, there is chaos.

There should be no doubt that our world is in chaos today, but there is hope, because of the most beautiful women in the world.

Jack Balkwill is an activist in Virginia. He can be reached at Read other articles by Jack.

This article was posted on Thursday, August 27th, 2015 at 7:43pm and is filed under Culture, Gender, Opinion.


Reading Jack’s article brings to mind a striking book by Mary Catherine Bateson called “Composing a Life” in which the art-form of home-making comes to the fore. She talks about  the autopoietic nature of life’s transitions and interactions through a “case study” of five women’s lives.

Composing_a_Life is, ironically enough, a book championed by Hilary Clinton.  Where and how did Hilary alter her approach?

You keep a house, but you make a home.

“… In Dr. Bateson’s parlance, homemaking  is not so much about decoration and renovation. Rather, it’s a metaphor for community, for the design of an environment — professional or domestic or societal — that challenges and supports its inhabitants….”




“…I know it ain’t much; it needs a woman’s touch….” 




An entire library of books at Amazon on parenting 


[Ed.: I was lucky to have gotten beyond parenting without having done any serious damage to either my kids or myself or my spouse, thanks to the Grace of God and a wonderful mate.  These kinds of resources did not exist much then, except for an occasional something from Dr. Spock or some other pediatrician.  Mostly I learned through observation, making mental notes of what not to do. If you order through this link, a small slice of the proceeds goes to the benefit of a farmlet in New Zealand and the small and deserving band of humans who take care of themselves, their animals and the land there.]


The featured image at the top was taken from 

“At the end of last year, my husband and I began to evaluate our home-life, looking to mend the connections, relationally and practically, that had been neglected and strained during all of our change the last few years. Our family table seemed to be a simple place to begin, a place that we all longed for and needed for its regular meals and togetherness. Like few other things, the table nurtures and nourishes us. It cultivates story and memory with one another. It reminds us, even in a ten minute lunch, how to pause and receive. Below I wrote out some of the ways we’re reprioritizing this space and using our time around the table together…..”


community destiny

The near-boiling debate about gun control has a mental health component within it, which makes this old fellow remember the Reagan years and the off-again/on-again debates about Reagan’s policy moves that shifted care of the mentally ill out of instituions and on to the streets.  As a former EMT, I’ve been in enough mental health institutions to know the truths about them; they were understaffed, and often were simply human warehouses. In Massachusetts, we had the documentary film by the name “Titicut Follies”  which was about the criminally insane, a rather severe form of mental illness.

Certainly many people with a mental illness, properly managed, can live a functional life, but then we get into the debate about medications which, it has been argued, foster a new and negative component. I don’t think that there’d be too many people who’d say that anyone with a mental illness has a right to posess a firearm, but the argument of the pro-gun crowd isn’t about that; it’s about the creeping advance of attacks on gun ownership rights, the pertinence of those rights as a counter-balance against tyranny, and the corruption and incompetence that is proven to exist within the gun registration and law enforcement industrioes or professions.

It is exceedingly difficult to determine in advance whether an individual is balanced and grounded and interpersonal violence is not always about guns, as we saw in this recent incident involving an “off-meds” transgender who was “angry with life” and “wanted to get back at someone,” according to the police complaint for the murder charge. “York County Sheriff William King Jr. said late Thursday afternoon he was still trying to determine whether to house MacCalister with male or female inmates.”




Panaceas, Quick Fixes and Extravagant Claims

one of the major flaws in the concept of deinstitutionalization was the notion that serious, chronic mental disorders could be minimized, if not totally prevented, through care provided within the local community

The policy that led to the release of most of the nation’s mentally ill patients from the hospital to the community is now widely regarded as a major failure. Sweeping critiques of the policy, notably the recent report of the American Psychiatric Association, have spread the blame everywhere, faulting politicians, civil libertarian lawyers and psychiatrists.

But who, specifically, played some of the more important roles in the formation of this ill-fated policy? What motivated these influential people and what lessons are to be learned?

A detailed picture has emerged from a series of interviews and a review of public records, research reports and institutional recommendations. The picture is one of cost-conscious policy makers, who were quick to buy optimistic projections that were, in some instances, buttressed by misinformation and by a willingness to suspend skepticism.

Many of the psychiatrists involved as practitioners and policy makers in the 1950’s and 1960’s said in the interviews that heavy responsibility lay on a sometimes neglected aspect of the problem: the overreliance on drugs to do the work of society.

The records show that the politicians were dogged by the image and financial problems posed by the state hospitals and that the scientific and medical establishment sold Congress and the state legislatures a quick fix for a complicated problem that was bought sight unseen….. The original policy changes were backed by scores of national professional and philanthropic organizations and several hundred people prominent in medicine, academia and politics. The belief then was widespread that the same scientific researchers who had conjured up antibiotics and vaccines during the outburst of medical discovery in the 50’s and 60’s had also developed penicillins to cure psychoses and thus revolutionize the treatment of the mentally ill.

And these leaders were prodded into action by a series of scientific studies in the 1950’s purporting to show that mental illness was far more prevalent than had previously been believed.

Finally, there was a growing economic and political liability faced by state legislators. Enormous amounts of tax revenues were being used to support the state mental hospitals, and the institutions themselves were increasingly thought of as ”snake pits” or facilities that few people wanted.

One of the most influential groups in bringing about the new national policy was the Joint Commission on Mental Illness and Health, an independent body set up by Congress in 1955. One of its two surviving members, Dr. M. Brewster Smith, a University of California psychologist who served as vice president, said the commission took the direction it did because of ”the sort of overselling that happens in almost every interchange between science and government.’’

”Extravagant claims were made for the benefits of shifting from state hospitals to community clinics,” Dr. Smith said. ”The professional community made mistakes and was overly optimistic, but the political community wanted to save money.’’

Charles Schlaifer, a New York advertising executive who served as secretary-treasurer of the group, said he was now disgusted with the advice presented by leading psychiatrists of that day. ”Tranquilizers became the panacea for the mentally ill,” he said. ”The state programs were buying them by the carload, sending the drugged patients back to the community and the psychiatrists never tried to stop this. Local mental health centers were going to be the greatest thing going, but no one wanted to think it through.’’

There is much much more here in this New York Times article by Richard D. Lyons published: October 30, 1984:


See also this abstract of an article in 2007 entitled “Mental Health In the Mainstream of Health Care 


Of all the omens of deinstitutionalization’s failure on exhibit in 1970s California, the most frightening were homicides and other episodes of violence committed by mentally ill individuals who were not being treated.


“… President Reagan never understood mental illness. Like Richard Nixon, he was a product of the Southern California culture that associated psychiatry with Communism. Two months after taking office, Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, a young man with untreated schizophrenia. Two years later, Reagan called Dr. Roger Peele, then director of St. Elizabeths Hospital, where Hinckley was being treated, and tried to arrange to meet with Hinckley, so that Reagan could forgive him. Peele tactfully told the president that this was not a good idea. Reagan was also exposed to the consequences of untreated mental illness through the two sons of Roy Miller, his personal tax advisor. Both sons developed schizophrenia; one committed suicide in 1981, and the other killed his mother in 1983. Despite such personal exposure, Reagan never exhibited any interest in the need for research or better treatment for serious mental illness…..

California has traditionally been on the cutting edge of American cultural developments, with Anaheim and Modesto experiencing changes before Atlanta and Moline. This was also true in the exodus of patients from state psychiatric hospitals. Beginning in the late 1950s, California became the national leader in aggressively moving patients from state hospitals to nursing homes and board-and-care homes, known in other states by names such as group homes, boarding homes, adult care homes, family care homes, assisted living facilities, community residential facilities, adult foster homes, transitional living facilities, and residential care facilities. Hospital wards closed as the patients left. By the time Ronald Reagan assumed the governorship in 1967, California had already deinstitutionalized more than half of its state hospital patients. That same year, California passed the landmark Lanterman-Petris-Short (LPS) Act, which virtually abolished involuntary hospitalization except in extreme cases. Thus, by the early 1970s California had moved most mentally ill patients out of its state hospitals and, by passing LPS, had made it very difficult to get them back into a hospital if they relapsed and needed additional care. California thus became a canary in the coal mine of deinstitutionalization.

By 1975 board-and-care homes had become big business in California. In Los Angeles alone, there were “approximately 11,000 ex-state-hospital patients living in board-and-care facilities.” Many of these homes were owned by for-profit chains, such as Beverly Enterprises, which owned 38 homes. Many homes were regarded by their owners “solely as a business, squeezing excessive profits out of it at the expense of residents.” Five members of Beverly Enterprises’ board of directors had ties to Governor Reagan; the chairman was vice chairman of a Reagan fundraising dinner, and “four others were either politically active in one or both of the Reagan [gubernatorial] campaigns and/or contributed large or undisclosed sums of money to the campaign.” Financial ties between the governor, who was emptying state hospitals, and business persons who were profiting from the process would also soon become apparent in other states.

Many of the board-and-care homes in California, as elsewhere, were clustered in city areas that were rundown and thus had low rents. In San Jose, for example, approximately 1,800 patients discharged from nearby Agnews State Hospital were placed in homes clustered near the campus of San Jose State University. As early as 1971 the local newspaper decried this “mass invasion of mental patients.” Some patients left their board-and-care homes because of the poor living conditions, whereas others were evicted when the symptoms of their illness recurred because they were not receiving medication, but both scenarios resulted in homelessness. By 1973 the San Jose area was described as having “discharged patients…living in skid row…wandering aimlessly in the streets . . . a ghetto for the mentally ill and mentally retarded.”

Similar communities were becoming visible in other California cities as well as in New York. In Long Beach on Long Island, old motels and hotels were filled with patients discharged from nearly Creedmore and Pilgrim State Hospitals. By 1973, community residents were complaining that their town was becoming a psychiatric ghetto; at the local Catholic church, patients were said to “have urinated on the floor during Mass and eaten the altar flowers.” The Long Beach City Council therefore passed an ordinance requiring patients to take their prescribed medication as a condition for living there. Predictably, the New York Civil Liberties Union immediately challenged the ordinance as being unconstitutional, and it was so ruled. By this time, there were about 5,000 board-and-care homes in New York City, some with as many as 285 beds and with up to 85% of their residents having been discharged from the state hospitals. As one New York psychiatrist summarized the situation: “The chronic mentally ill patient has had his locus of living and care transferred from a single lousy institution to multiple wretched ones.”

Much much more in this Salon article  of Sunday, September 29th, 2013 excerpted fromthe book “American Psychosis” 



But the argument was made (in January 2011 right after the Gifford shootings in Arizona) that “the blaming of Ronald Reagan for the destruction the mental heath system is typical progressive revisionists history.”

In “O’Connor v. Donaldson, 422 U.S. 563 (1975), the Supreme Court found a constitutional right to liberty for mental health patients: “There is…no constitutional basis for confining such persons involuntarily if they are dangerous to no one.” With this constitutional recognition, the practice of mental health law became a process of limiting and defining the power of the state to detain and treat. The result was a codification of mental health rights that have done away with non-voluntary commitment except in extreme cases. Politics and Mental Health 

Oh, and what happened to the promised Mental Health clinics to aid mental health out patients? They built them and they did not come. Who would have thought that unsupervised mental health patients would make poor life decisions and not utilize the support system that was built for them? Or, a better question is, who in their right mind thought they would?….”

In addition to a look at Ronald Reagan and the Occult (including astrology, numerology, and Manly P. Hall’s book The Secret Destiny of America), Alex Constantine provides us with the article “Mental disorders and gun violence in the US: Blame Ronald Reagan” which leaves us with this thought:

We are left with more than 10,000 people each year killed by people with known mental disorders, and a cry for greater gun control in our country, when the call should be for greater mental health treatment options.


Wasn’t it also under Ronald Reagan, previosuly a secret FBI informant, that we saw the transition to a stronger role for emergency management and continuity of government with its built-in components of racism, anti-protest action and increased police militarization?  Under Ronald Reagan, didn’t we also see  an escalation of the war on drugs (concomitant with the active thwarting of investigations into governmental agency involvement in the trafficking of cocaine), an escalation of anti-union activity, the bombing of Libya, and the Iran-Contra affair? Let’s not forget his trip to Bitburg where he honored the dead SS “victims”. 


I would suggest that the entire debate about gun control would take on better clarity if people could have a transparent and valid dialogue about:

  • the impact of fiscal policy on the poor, the homeless, and the mentally ill; 
  • the validity of oligarchy as the dominant form of governance control; 
  • Federal Reserve policy and debt; 
  • the obliquely-hidden influence of collectivism/Zionism/communism in US politics; and 
  • the degree to which our defense budget has hamstrung the very society is purports to defend. 


The very nature of the debate would change is that discussion was about how we can and should take better care of ourselves so that we can take better care of each other. 


We can’t be taking better care of each other if we are busy trying to implement the destiny of the world according to people who are irrational or exhibiting signs of social or psychological pathology themselves.

inside out

The gynormity of it all hit me a few days ago as I awoke at about 7:30 AM.

You could call it a re-awakening.

It seems to have taken about 40 days for my sister’s revelations to sink in, to percolate down through the deposited soils of six decades of having been protectively misled, lied to, prevented from knowing certain things, from having been put into a position in which everyone around me from the earliest days of my consciousness and my personal, cognitive and psychological development was not who they appeared to be but was a caricature created by my own ignorance.

So I sit alone inside a maelstrom, adrift on a raft in a gentle eddy in the center of a massive storm, carefully balancing the presence of wife and family; they are the only truths I know because they were not there; they were selected and created by my own free will, whatever persona I was then. They were not central players at the beginning of the mess but they now gravitate elliptically around someone they assumed was real and grounded but which, all along, was operating under a set of assumptions that turned out to be misconstrued, misperceived… that were inside out and backwards.

I started out as a child, to borrow from a well-known actor/comedian whose own projection was not what it seeemed.

I am going to have to enroll at Bright-Eye’s school of Theater in the Cavern.

Astute perception of old records by a nurse disclosed that my emergence from the hospital of my birth was delayed, that my discharge was unusually late because — well, see, right away I am into speculation, analysis and detective work — my recorded weight upon discharge was well beyond that of a newborn.

I’d apparently been kept after school.

I was in detention from the git-go and started the normal process of growth having been fed the formula given to newborns of that era whose mothers were absent.

Sara Clarke

My mother had died from — again, I’m into speculation, not having medical records, autopsy information, physician’s notes, or anything beyond what can only be considered as unsubstantiated hearsay because none of the people involved are alive and those who aren’t are working off distant memory built on hearsay in the minds of older siblings, shadows on the wall of the grotto of life, and I am hear at age 67 near the end of my life looking back through the mists of my own perception — blood clot to the brain.

It was explained to me years later — sometime soon after a distant relative, an esteemed member of the faculty at Harvard Medical School, looked in on the birth of my first-born son — over lunch at the Harvard Club by that same esteemed OB/GYN expert, that the state-of-the-art in obstetrics back then wasn’t what it is today, and that they were unable to counter-attack well enough or fast enough to save my mother.

It’s not unusually ironic, given a long history of similarly weird synchronicities in my life, that my own awakening to the gynormity of it all occurred on the anniversary of my first outward adventure into the world.

And there is now some further correlation to the old rumor that one of the contributory causes of my mother’s death five days after I arrived wet, startled, soon enough hungry, may have been trauma at the hands of my father.

My father was, through almost every moment of my life, a distant and often absent character. He had work. My job was to learn. He had two and a half other people to be concerned about too, and I am given to believe (and it naturally follows) that one of the reasons I was kept in the hospital was because of a great degree of uncertainty about who was going to take care of my brother and sister, four years and three years older respectively. and me.

I was on the fast track to an orphanage.

Men did not do household and child-oriented work then.

Mr. Mom was still in the future.

I do not know into whose arms I was placed when I was sent home but, soon enough, a series of nannies was hired. I am told there were four to six people who played that role in my early years. When I was about four, my father married his third wife, the woman I know as my step-mother, the woman who was the adult female in the house for fifteen years until I dropped out of college and married.  She, I am told, signed on to a life-long contract to watch after three kids because she fell in love with the youngest one.

Preceding her was a mysteriously-unknown social climber from Yonkers, New York whose marriage to my father was annulled after eleven months for reasons unknown; the given legal reason had something to do with moral terpitude, but sometimes words are simply what was seletced to put in the blank space on the form.  I have no pictures, only the vaguest of memories of a blonde in a fur coat, but I am told she was rejected imediately by my older siblings who, at one time, arranged for a bucket of water to fall on her from the top of the door as she came home from a dinner date with their dad. I was apparently on the floor in a playpen in the living room with her cat prowling outside the playpen which, it seems, provided some of the substance for a recurring nightmare about tigers prowling outside my cage.  These are but old Kodak Brownie snapshots of the formation of a young mind and a young life.

Preceding her was a series of hired nannies, the dominant of which was one woman who apparently nurtured and loved me and had a secret crush on my father. She wrote to me when I was in college but, of course, I had no knowledge of and only the vaguest of memory about her.  She was the source of a few old photos and one negative of a portrait of my mother, the one above.  The nanny was a Mennonite (we lived in a major old industrial city on the fringe of Pennsylvania Dutch country) and she always wore the starched white cap that was emblematic of women in that sect. I have been able to ascertain the place where she was buried in Missouri.

The murmurs and memories that come echoing back (all who lived then are dead now, except for my sister) all say that the prime focus at that time (post-war America, after the bombing of Japan but before Korea) was finding homes for the three kids. Could the father sustain the family? He had work, but needed household help. He needed a mother for his children. All manner of effort was made to keep us together and to keep us out of homes, institutions, the uncertain roiling seas of society where children were at risk.

As I understand it, my older brother and sister, being about a year apart, formed a team and gave numerous elders significant doses of pre-school grief. The kid in diapers simply needed to be fed and have his diapers changed.

And what exactly happened to each of us over the next several years and why remains murky to this day. My own ability to form and keep a coherent memory was still in formation, and their’s hadn’t had a lot of practice yet. Neighbors (the source of the information about my father hitting my mother as she went into labor) didn’t leave any diaries, testaments or testimony; people didn’t talk about these kinds of things back then. [They still don’t.]  And children’s physical and psychological well-being is still at risk.

My father’s boss, whose picture remains on my hard drive, having made the geographical and technological transition by some sort of para-normal IT event (it hijacked a ride on a disc) after I discovered his name and identity in connection to an alleged pedophilia/sexual abuse ring, introduced him to my eventual stepmother, to whom he may have been distantly related. These are things I discovered on my own in my 50s.

He was a heavy drinker, as was she.  He was a batterer and an abusive personality.  She battered me and psychologically abused me, but apparently not my sister or my brother.  He was a stern disciplinarian to us all and occasionally used a belt, especially when directed or prodded by my step-mother. My sister last month reported an attempted sexual advance by my father when she was in her early teens; my step-mother was very protective of her. My brother’s history remains very cloudy. There are some facts I can attest to, but he is dead now, the victim of estrangement, manipulation, possible sexual abuse at the hands of unknown people, and eventual death resultant from exposure to Agent Orange as an airman first class in the early years of the Vietnam War.  My brother was mustered into the US Air Force and spent time around locations known to have been involved with Operation Paperclip activities. All of this is deniable, of course. But back in 1952, when my step-mother arrived on the scene, her entire task was to lend some measure of stability to a family teetering on the edge of dissolution.

I have no doubt that she did that.  She was an occasionally-battered woman and she frequently battered me. Was this a kind of “reverse psychology” to insure that I did not grow up to be a batterer?  It could have backfired. Through the grace of God, it did not.  I’ve read enough of Arthur Silber and Alice Miller to know better. I’ve read Derrick Jensen’s “A Language Older Than Words”; my experience is insignificant when compared to what he suffered at the hands of his father.

Both my parents were deeply troubled people. My father’s own upbringing was troubled. He was an elitist, a racist, a misogynist and had been immersed in a culture of eugenics. He disowned me when I married a Catholic of French-Canadian descent. He despised Catholics and believed in the supremacy of the white male Anglo.  [I believe i have managed to shed most if not all of these influences.] Once, however, he got to know her (she was very intelligent and he admired intelligence, and she was a computer operator and programmer back when few knew what a computer was or could do and they required large air-condiitoned spaces), he warmed up to her. So he disowned me a second time when we divorced. He refused to attend our wedding ceremonies (one in a Protestant church, one in a Catholic ceremony).  And he wasn’t much impressed when he discovered my second wife was an Italian-American.  He hated Italians too.

He married a Scots-Irish Presbyterian and always said she was the love of his life. Growing up, I was never allowed to know anything about her.  I’m told she was a creative individual involved in crafts; she sung in the church choir. No pictures (or mention) of her were allowed on the household during my youth. I am beginning to think that this was not out of some viciously assertive jealousy or need for dominance as the female person of the household on the part of my step-mother, but may have been a means of protecting my father from his own self-destruction, mental breakdown, or ‘black alcoholism’ which we saw only very rarely. Rermember, I spent the first four years of my life totally in the dark, and the next ten years isolated away from any exposure or awareness.

My step-mother’s upbringing, emotional and romantic history, etc. are a mystery to me. There was a man, a sailor from World War II. She never ever discussed him; no one knows the story.  Perhaps he died in the war. Perhaps there was some other reason he was no longer in her life. She was a prototypical ‘Rosie Riveter’ working in one form of industrial work or another during the war years and, as such, was part of the vanguard of feminism. She was a hospital worker, perhaps an LPN, a Civil Defense captain, a social worker, a Cub Scout leader, engaged in the community, a social drinker who could pack away three Martinis PDQ.  She played industrial league softball. He was a Scotch drinker and an inveterate pipe smoker who spent some time on Wall Street just before the crash in some low-level investment banking job. His father was an expert in mechanical engineering, a 32nd-degree Mason who was the shop superintendent at a major firearms manufacturing plant in New Haven; the two of them had a falling out over the fact that the son would not quit smoking.

In response, I played the role of “the reclusive child”  I ran away a lot, hid myself in the woods, got lost in reading.

So to have learned these latest revelations late in life…  that my father made his third wife walk to the hospital when she suffered a bout of appendicitis, then forced himself upon her in the hospital bed after her surgery, is to have suffered a synaptic WTF that almost forces a kind of psychological plasticity.

Will someone invent an online brain game  for this kind of thing? They could call it Illuminosity.

To finally be able to have a conversation with a sister three years older than I about our lives six decades ago… to be in a position to divulge things about our brother she never knew because we were all prevented from knowing what went on in the lives of our siblings and because I developed enough curiosity to ask about the truth of what else we were told…. sets up further tensions, and these undoubtedly will reverberate in unknown ways down into later generations.

But the real enormity of the need for a massive re-thinking is the awareness that, through all those years, others around me must have known or sensed what I never knew or what was hidden from me.

Human beings are pretty astute, and they talk. My step-mother worked at the private day care schoool I attended, and those students (some of whom were the children of my parents/ peers, co-workers, social contacts) likely overheard or were told something about me and my life that I didn’t even know at the time. And middle school and high school teachers have experience in dealing with hundreds of families and thousands of kids, and they have access to educational records the kid never sees.

Not knowing meant that I acted and behaved in a certain way.

Their knowing whatever it is they knew or thought they knew drove their behavior

Our interpretation or “reading” (socially, sub-consciously or consciously) of those interactions drove impressions, choices, and opinions.

Who wants to go back through that tapestry and meditate on the pattern of the weave?

What’s past is past. What’s left is

32 Ways You Know You Grew Up in a Dysfunctional Family 

If you need more, simply tune into reality TV shows, family sit-coms or the evening news. 


Dysfunctional Families: Recognizing and Overcoming Their Effects 

originally written and developed in 1993 by Sheryl A. Benton, Ph.D., Counseling Services; updated/modified for the Internet in 1997 by Dorinda J. Lambert, Ph.D.



“Is there a silver lining to growing up in a dysfunctional family?

Bestselling recovery author Karen Casey looks at stories of people who grew up in dysfunctional families and “the good stuff” that can come from the experience. “Throughout my many decades in recovery rooms I have interacted with thousands of women and men whose journeys reveal, in detail, the harrowing history of dysfunction that has troubled their lives,” says Casey. “But what is also apparent in their stories is their eventual and quite triumphant survival, often against extreme odds.”

Casey interviewed more than 24 survivors of families rife with dysfunction; survivors who willingly shared their stories and came to realize they had, surprisingly, thrived as the result of their often harrowing experiences. In “The Good Stuff from Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family,” Casey shares the stories and the skills these survivors developed to live more creative and fulfilling lives. 



“… If a culture is based on emotional dishonesty, with role models that are dishonest emotionally, then that culture is also emotionally dysfunctional, because the people of that society are set up to be emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional in getting their emotional needs met.

What we traditionally have called normal parenting in this society is abusive because it is emotionally dishonest….” 


“Last December I saw an advertisement outside an electronics store. There was a little boy, delirious with delight, surrounded by computers, stereos, and other gadgets. The text read: “We know what your child wants for Christmas.” I stared at the poster, then said to no one in particular, “What your child wants for Christmas is your love, but if he can’t get that, he’ll settle for a bunch of electronic crap.”

Derrick Jensen, A Language Older Than Words 

Read that book. Start with the quotes in the link above. Go to the library and borrow the book. Better yet, buy it directly from the author.  If you need to save a buck, look online and find it at a used book seller, here or here; I’ve used and recommend both.

Read the book, not to learn more about Jensen’s experience or mine, but for his insight into what the psychopathology of the dysfunctional and abusive household means for your world and what is going on today in virtually every corner of the plant, in most societies, in the minds of the governance currently in place and looking to cement itself in place. 

Then move on to the next level and find and read both volumes of Endgame.

It’s getting late.

Robin Williams

Robin McLaurin Williams was recognized as a one-of-a-kind genius, graced with a gift and a need to give it, scarred by his own humanity, and a penchant for hard work. He reached deep into himself. With over seven hours of video available here, this is a tribute to him and his gift on the first anniversary of his death.

“He made us laugh, hard, any time you saw him,” Crystal began. “As genius as he was onstage, he was the greatest friend you could ever imagine—supportive, protective, loving,” Crystal continued. It’s very hard to talk about him in the past because he’s so present in all of our lives.

“For almost 40 years, he was the brightest star in the comedy galaxy, but though some of the brightest stars are extinct now…They float in the heavens, so far away from us now, their beautiful light will continue to shine on us forever…[and sometimes] you’ll think to yourselves, ‘Robin Williams, what a concept.’”

Just weeks after Williams’ death, Crystal took the stage at Los Angeles’ Nokia Theatre to preside over a heartfelt stand-alone tribute to his longtime colleague.

© 2014 E! Entertainment Television, Inc. 



Documentary: Robin Williams 

best moments 1951-2014 (33:12)


Perhaps some of the best of Robin Williams was his 90-minute appearance on The Actor’s Studio with James Lipton; here’s a slice: 

It’s been up and down on YouTube and the DVD is available for purchase through various outlets: 

James Lipton: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Robin Williams: “There’s seating near the front. The concert begins at 5. It’ll be Mozart, Elvis, and one of your choosing.” Or just nice, if heaven exists, to know that there’s laughter, that’d be a great thing. Just to hear God go, “Two Jews walk into a bar…”.

As Lipton reveals, Williams’s installment of the series was the first-ever two-hour episode: The actor actually spoke and performed for the audience for over five hours, but Lipton and the producers simply couldn’t bear to edit the performance any shorter than two hours, according to the DVD extras.

Lipton was unable to even ask his first question for the first nine minutes of Williams’s appearance, and it took seven minutes for him to get to his follow-up.

Finally, the part of his appearance that’s passed into legend: Lipton confirms on the DVD commentary that one member of the audience was actually taken away in an ambulance after the show, having developed a hernia from laughing so hard at Williams. 

More highlights from that appearance at the link above


Robin Williams – “Seize the Day” – by Melodysheep (2:39)


Robin Williams Hilarious FULL Interview 

on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show – 1991 (11:00)






Robin Williams breaks down the last ten years of U.S politics 



Robin Williams – On Jesus, Mother Teresa & Gandhi (5:33)


Robin Williams – Golf (full version) (4:47) 


Robin Williams Crazy First Appearance 

on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show (1:41)


Robin Williams – Parkinson interview [2002] (22:36)


Robin Williams last appearance 

on Tonight Show with Johnny Carson 5/21/92 (14:02)


Robin Williams on Letterman Post Surgery 2000 

[&&]{**}[##]  [&&]{**}[##]

When Did you Know? (3:09)


Good Will Hunting – The best Robin Williams scene (4:08)


[HiDef] Good Will Hunting – Park Bench Scene (4:47)


Being Human 1994 


Full Length Movie (2:01:56)


Robin Williams – 

Live on Broadway (New York 2002) [Full Length] (1:39:02) 


Robin Williams full live performance in Washington (1:29:40) 


Robin Williams on Porn (3:40)


Robin Williams Viagra Skit (6:26)

grizzly encounters and expectations

The Blog That Roared Back

A blogger scans widely for some clue that someone somewhere is actually reading his blog.  It might be assumed, and perhaps correctly, that it is because of ego. 

It might be with an eye towrd improvement, perhaps in terms of technical outreach (what the cognoscenti call SEO), or it might be to insure that output is interesting.  

Blogging is simply another form of communication (“information exchange between two or more participants in order to convey or receive the intended meanings”) or, as the radioman from a USN boomer once described it, memetic engineering

Or it might be to begin to better understand and nurture contact toward some as-yet-undetermined end. 

So when I read “the-blog-that-roared’ —written by someone who is not terribly far away and who covers my Eastern flank — he regularly reads the big city daily in the Hub of the Universe as a means of keeping an eye (with a raised eyebrow) on both mainstream media and the city that is so terribly important to life in the land of many small hills and few Indians — I wasn’t sure if he was riffing on my keyboard solo, if he was agreeing, or if he was dissing me. 

He started off by saying that my thought — that the lion and its killer had gotten too much press—  bugged him too, and then he bore in the topics of trees, woods, the lion, the global wildlife crisis, poaching and other African acts of pillage, and other aspects of mankind’s attitudes and relationships to animals. 

Point well taken, Rocker. 

I should have stipulated to it. 

I don’t think I’ll forget the day I was first successful enough with my bow and arrow so as to actually hit a bird in the tree; I gave it a private quasi-ceremonial burial.  I was raised by a woman in a land of bigger hills and fewer people out at the end of the state; during deer season, she sat cradling a .30-06 out in the open on a rock in the middle of the trail that ran off the ridge past the apple orchard and down to the pond and the spot where the hunters would park their pick-ups, sending a message to the hunters out in front of her and the deer behind her; neither the deer nor the hunters know the weapon had no firing pin. 

Neither men — hell, some (even those who run for President) can’t even respect women, let alone animals — nor mankind has a proper understanding of the power inherent in animal life in the wilderness.×414.jpg 

And now it seems “we” want to kill the animal who killed the man, who must have though he was Brother Lapp

I’ve read enough Derrick Jensen to have a more-than-introductory understanding of the issues. He’s the author of Endgame, The Culture of Make Believe, A Language Older than Words, and many other books, which I have recommended and include in the bibliography of my e-book. 

I was glad, in his two-volume Endgame, that he left a choice outside of violent and destructive resistance; I took the choice.  He himself has said that change in the activities of mankind will not be enough soon enough to make a difference. 

The eco-psychologist Carolyn Baker, the former associate of the revered-in-some-corners author of Collapse, Mike Ruppert, offers up grief counseling, podcasts, books, life coaching and this dialogue with Derrick.  And she’s taken over Mike Ruppert’s radio show and his mantle as chief proponent of  — well, I’ll leave it to others to decide what he was advocating since he can no longer speak for himself. 

This might sound as though I place the human being on a higher plane or pedestal than animals, wildlife, etc.  I’ve read and own Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World and Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche as well as Listening to the Land: Conversations About Nature, Culture and Eros. I attended a two-day workshop with Carolyn Baker. 

I had a falling out with Carolyn in part because of what I discovered about some of her friends and colleagues (one of them offered up a diet of the miond control agent scopolamine in response to an online comment) and in part because of Baker’s complete lack of interest in what had happened in the Aurora theater shooting (despite obvious evidence) or in moving toward an investigative or accountability-seeking footing. (The patsy was just sentended to live in prison where his mind and his life will be totally destroyed and they can finish the job they’d begun.) 

Which brings me to my point, the one I had hoped I was making in my original post about Cecil the Lion:

We must be focused on investigative inquiry and journalism that exposes the rampant psychopathology of men.  

It is not mankind we need to be focused on. This is my argument about global warming as well. 

The “war crimes that have occurred in Palestine, the genetic destruction of peoples with depleted uranium weaponry, the pedophilia that is sustained by people ensconced at the highest levels of society, or the infamy of multiple false flags created to drive the world deeper into destructive wars or to sociologically ‘engineer’ cultures into obeisance to totalitarianism. 3,000 people died on 9/11.…”: all of those acts were sponsored, perpetrated, initiated, planned, and engineered by a tiny percentage of mankind, by a handful of men (and women)

Most members of the human race would have acted speedily to prevent them if they hadn’t been blocked or prevented from doing so by those same people and their co-villians.  

Or should I say eco-villains, since many of those acts (like their toy HAARP and depleted uranium and the deployment of STUXNET software) are environmentally destructive.  

An argument could easily be made, on the basis of transhumanism, eugenics, the work of the Tavistock Institute, and the research done by many into the elitists gathered during the enlightenment by Adam Weishaupt, that the intent of this relative handful of men is the death and destruction of everything else except them.  This is increasingly evident as we edge closer and closer to nuclear war.

They are members of a self-selected and self-taught cult of sociopathic mental disorder; their self-designated exceptionalism enables their greed and their lust for power and control, and their supreme arrogance.  

They have been students and are teachers and practitioners, at both collective and individual levels by both indirect or direct methods, of the manipulation of people and society.

They treat people as chattel and as groups to be victimized, sacrified or made the subject of unconscionable psycho-pharmaceutical and/or electro-shock methods of mind control such as they are known to have studied and used on others (see this pdf:  CIA Experiments on Children ).

We who are not members of that elite cult, however, do have one thing most animals lack: a massive (and functionally-integrated) frontal lobe or higher brain with which to bat the shuttlecock of conscious awareness about life on this earth back and forth across the corpus callosum (‘this neural tissue facilitates communication between the two sides of the brain’) enough times in succession without the achievement of its near-terminal entropy in the lower brain. 

We think, we create, we love, we collaborate; we abhor and eschew death and destruction.

It really helps if we play “pass the talking stick” with that shuttlecock of consciousness awareness across the neural net of what Peter Russell  has called, in his streaming video, The Global Brain (requires sign-in).

In The Global Brain (originally published in UK as The Awakening Earth), Peter Russell shows that humanity has reached a crossroads in its evolutionary path. The Internet is linking humanity into one, worldwide community – a “global brain”. This, combined with a rapidly growing spiritual awakening, is creating a collective consciousness that is humanity’s only hope of saving itself from itself. However, Russell warns if we continue on our current path of greed and destruction, humanity will become a planetary cancer.

Selling more than 100,000 copies and translated into ten languages, his seminal work, The Global Brain, won acclaim from forward thinkers worldwide. It was regarded by many as years ahead of its time, and its original predictions about the impact of computer networks and changing social values are now being realized.

Peter Russell, who holds advanced degrees in theoretical physics, experimental psychology and computer science, makes no apologies for presenting what may seem like a Utopian theory. He advises, “The image a society has of itself can play a crucial role in the shaping of its future. A positive vision is like the light at the end of the tunnel, which, even though dimly glimpsed, encourages us to step in that direction.”

DVD’s, video and the book are available here and at a bookseller near you. 


And we can discuss whether “one, worldwide community – a “global brain” is or is not an inducement into (or the equivalent of) a one world government or a new world order.


We have “the ability to alter our expectations by changing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs — and therefore, influence our experience of reality.”

We can, the next time we look forward to something, We can “expect the unexpected and see what happens”.


In our case, Rocker, we could discuss it over a cup of coffee, or perhaps a bottle of ale and a large heap of boiled or steamed crustaceans… near your small hill or mine. 

dangerous weapons

Dangerous Weapons

Apparently a lot of people are tuned in to; I’m not yet one of them (there is a lot of this kind of thing out there on the Internet), but maybe I should be.

“… James Tracy speaks with Dave, an economic and political analyst, webmaster and host of the X22 Report. They discuss potential catastrophic events in coming months, Jade Helm, the increasingly desperate moves of central planners to prop up fiat currencies and related geopolitical developments attached to sustaining the petrodollar, including the assault on Syria. Dave also explains how broader political and economic concerns impact personal finances, and what one can do in terms of preparedness. He asserts that since 2008 major economic interests have been preparing themselves for further market turmoil, and the present economic paradigm is not feasible past 2016. Presently a struggle is on between China and Russia, and Western central banks that will likely seek to reintroduce similar fiscal programs once a major crisis has been endured. Dave has worked as a stockbroker and technical advisor for several prominent Wall Street firms. Now based in Florida, he is devoted to providing daily analyses of economic and political developments on the X22 Report’s website and two YouTube Channels, X22 Report and X22 Report Spotlight. 


[Ed.: Maybe this has something to do with Benjamin Fulford’s thesis; perhaps someone with the requisite audio tools and experience can convene what the late great Gabriel Garcia Marquez called a tertulliana, one involving Dave, Charles Hugh Smith, Benjamin Fulford and a small army of economics gurus and expert news watchers to see what can be sorted out for the common man. Serious consideration must be given to asking Catherine Austin Fitts for her participation, given the quality and depth of foresight seen here as well as her long-standing understanding of 9/11, narco-dollars, financial maping, etc. 

Tertulliana were, as described in Love in The Time of Cholera [and below], late afternoon meetings of journalists who, having spent the day poring over the news of the world, met over coffee and more to discuss the implications of what they had gleaned. 

“Some 50 years ago, there were no schools of journalism. One learned  the trade in the newsroom, in the print shops, in the local cafe and in Friday-night hangouts. The entire newspaper was a factory where journalists were made and the news was printed without quibbles. We journalists always hung together, we had a life in common and were so passionate about our work that we didn’t talk about anything else. The work promoted strong friendships among the group, which left little room for a personal life.

There were no scheduled editorial meetings, but every afternoon at 5pm, the entire newspaper met for an unofficial coffee break somewhere in the newsroom, and took a breather from the daily tensions. It was an open discussion where we reviewed the hot themes of the day in each section of the newspaper and gave the final touches to the next day’s edition.

The newspaper was then divided into three large departments: news, features and editorial. The most prestigious and sensitive was the editorial department; a reporter was at the bottom of the heap, somewhere between an intern and a gopher. Time and the profession itself has proved that the nerve centre of journalism functions the other way. At the age of 19 I began a career as an editorial writer and slowly climbed the career ladder through hard work to the top position of cub reporter.

Then came schools of journalism and the arrival of technology. The graduates from the former arrived with little knowledge of grammar and syntax, difficulty in understanding concepts of any complexity and a dangerous misunderstanding of the profession in which the importance of a “scoop” at any price overrode all ethical considerations.

The profession, it seems, did not evolve as quickly as its instruments of work. Journalists were lost in a labyrinth of technology madly rushing the profession into the future without any control. In other words: the newspaper business has involved itself in furious competition for material modernisation, leaving behind the training of its foot soldiers, the reporters, and abandoning the old mechanisms of participation that strengthened the professional spirit. Newsrooms have become a sceptic laboratories for solitary travellers, where it seems easier to communicate with extraterrestrial phenomena than with readers’ hearts. The dehumanisation is galloping.

Before the teletype and the telex were invented, a man with a vocation for martyrdom would monitor the radio, capturing from the air the news of the world from what seemed little more than extraterrestrial whistles.  A well-informed writer would piece the fragments together, adding background and other relevant details as if reconstructing the skeleton of a dinosaur from a single vertebra. Only editorialising was forbidden, because that was the sacred right of the newspaper’s publisher, whose editorials, everyone assumed, were written by him, even if they weren’t, and were always written in impenetrable and labyrinthine prose, which, so history relates, were then unravelled by the publisher’s personal typesetter often hired for that express purpose.

Today fact and opinion have become entangled: there is comment in news reporting; the editorial is enriched with facts. The end product is none the better for it and never before has the profession been more dangerous. Unwitting or deliberate mistakes, malign manipulations and poisonous distortions can turn a news item into a dangerous weapon.

Quotes from “informed sources” or “government officials” who ask to remain anonymous, or by observers who know everything and whom nobody knows, cover up all manner of violations that go unpunished. But the guilty party holds on to his right not to reveal his source, without asking himself whether he is a gullible tool of the source, manipulated into passing on the information in the form chosen by his source. I believe bad journalists cherish their source as their own life – especially if it is an official source – endow it with a mythical quality, protect it, nurture it and ultimately develop a dangerous complicity with it that leads them to reject the need for a second source.

At the risk of becoming anecdotal, I believe that another guilty party in this drama is the tape recorder. Before it was invented, the job was done well with only three elements ofwork: the notebook, foolproof ethics and a pair of ears with which we reporters listened to what the sources were telling us. The professional and ethical manual for the tape recorder has not been invented yet. Somebody needs to teach young reporters that the recorder is not a substitute for the memory, but a simple evolved version of the serviceable, old-fashioned notebook.

The tape recorder listens, repeats – like a digital parrot – but it does not think; it is loyal, but it does not have a heart; and, in the end, the literal version it will have captured will never be as trustworthy as that kept by the journalist who pays attention to the real words of the interlocutor and, at the same time, evaluates and qualifies them from his knowledge and experience.

The tape recorder is entirely to blame for the undue importance now attached to the interview. Given the nature of radio and television, it is only to be expected that it became their mainstay. Now even the print media seems to share the erroneous idea that the voice of truth is not that of the journalist but of the interviewee. Maybe the solution is to return to the lowly little notebook so the journalist can edit intelligently as he listens, and relegate the tape recorder to its real role as invaluable witness.

It is some comfort to believe that ethical transgressions and other problems that degrade and embarrass today’s journalism are not always the result of immorality, but also stem from the lack of professional skill. Perhaps the misfortune of schools of journalism is that while they do teach some useful tricks of the trade, they teach little about the profession itself. Any training in schools of journalism must be based on three fundamental principles: first and foremost, there must be aptitude and talent; then the knowledge that “investigative” journalism is not something special, but that all journalism must, by definition, be investigative; and, third, the awareness that ethics are not merely an occasional condition of the trade, but an integral part, as essentially a part of each other as the buzz and the horsefly.

The final objective of any journalism school should, nevertheless, be to return to basic training on the job and to restore journalism to its original public service function; to reinvent those passionate daily 5pm informal coffee-break seminars of the old newspaper office.



Tricks you need to transform something which appears fantastic, unbelievable into something plausible, credible, those I learned from journalism. The key is to tell it straight. It is done by reporters and by country folk.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez




“… “I don’t know that there’ll ever be an apology. Maybe the two countries can find language that brings them together to say ‘you know we acknowledge that serious hurt was done on both sides and we own that and going forward we pledge not to do something like that’ but it doesn’t feel at this point that there will ever be a flat out apology from the US to Japan or the other way around,” he explained.

Harry Truman acted in good faith and believed he was saving many Americans’ lives, Daniel said. This was the prime consideration for the president, who had first-hand experience of battlefield during World War I and valued soldiers’ lives, he explained.

He admitted that controversy over Truman’s decision remains, as some people believe that the use of nuclear weapons was not necessary.

“The real question which we keep trying to answer but we can’t is did it in fact stop the war. Some people say no, Japan would have surrendered anyway; other people say they were not giving up, it stopped them cold,” Daniel said. “But we can’t know that because we did it and the war ended, so we don’t know how it would have gone.” 

[Ed.: Harry Truman was grievously misled by advisors who were Skull&Bones (Stimson), others who were associated with Zionism, who were corrupt and corrupting and representing greed. He had been kept in the dark about the Manhattan Project and was handed an option. Stalin was better informed about its existence than Truman.  Japan’s entreaties for peace were purposefully delayed for months by theoretically-independent neutral brokers who were tied into the same global financial octopus which drove the world in World War II and at that time was working overtime to steal the spoils of gold and and the secrets of human experimentation and bring them to the US.]


NSA Tried Stuxnet Cyber-Attack on North Korea Five Years Ago but Failed

August 6th, 2015 by Kevin

Via: Guardian:

The US tried to deploy a version of the Stuxnet computer virus to attack North Korea’s nuclear weapons programme five years ago but ultimately failed, according to people familiar with the covert campaign.

The operation began in tandem with the now-famous Stuxnet attack that sabotaged Iran’s nuclear programme in 2009 and 2010 by destroying a thousand or more centrifuges that were enriching uranium. Reuters and others have reported that the Iran attack was a joint effort by US and Israeli forces.

According to one US intelligence source, Stuxnet’s developers produced a related virus that would be activated when it encountered Korean-language settings on an infected machine.

But US agents could not access the core machines that ran Pyongyang’s nuclear weapons programme, said another source, a former high-ranking intelligence official who was briefed on the programme.

Posted in Covert Operations, Technology, War




[Ed.: I have been a long-term user of HoloSync’s binaural-beats guided meditation systems — I had graduated to the third level when I was diagnosed in 2007 with moderate-to-severe aortic stenosis requiring replacement of the aortic valve via open-heart surgery; the cardiologist told me my heart wasn’t strong enough to undergo the procedure. 

I skipped town and slipped down the backside of the mid-Atlantic Appalachian ridge into a holler on whose slopes I experienced the rapid onset of pleural edema; I applied the lessons of the book “Deep Survival”, slid downhill into a chemical stress test during which I flat-lined, and much much later read a book written by a scientist/engineer working on the technical side of cardiology and whose interest in consciousness led him to study the reverberations resonating the heartbeat through the aorta. In the appendix, his explanation suggested that I dumped all the stress in my life out through the aortic valve during the kundalini-like descent into brain wave states for healing and compassion. 

His findings resulted in a “scientifically verifiable version of the kundalini concept”, according to Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa (2009). Kundalini Rising: Exploring the Energy of Awakening. Sounds True. p. 247. ISBN 978-1591797289

But I’ve asked every doctor I’ve met and been treated by — since the psychopharmacologist who listened to the same CD I did (and who had the signatory tonic/clonic body twitch at the same moment on the tape as I experienced mine) said “this is better than crack”) — what they know about or can find out about this phenomenon, and I have never received any answer beyond an unknowing blankness.  

Insights on continuing binaural beats-based audio meditation are hard to come by. Marketing materials are widely available; you can dial up a wide variety of these types of programs on YouTube or by direct mail order for CD’s.  

But the problem is that, by whatever method you choose to use, you bypass your brain’s own filters and build a back door into your own subconscious mind through which you feed or place “affirmations” or deep subconscious suggestions to achieve whatever outcome you desire.  This is what is taught to athletes and others in the form of auto-suggestion.  

Purveyors of the audio forms, using proprietary and non-proprietary technical understanding and technology, create and build voice form subliminals (in non-audible frequencies) that are embedded in the binaural tones and audio. Holosync has you record the affirmations you wrote for yourself in your own voice and buries them subliminally. 

It follows that you respond to your own voice most readily. The bones in your inner ear move when you talk to yourself silently; the sound of your barely-audible voice travels or resonates through your skull bones, jaw and into the rest of your body from there. Chanting, the kind used by monks for centuries or others in other spiritual traditions for millenia, resonate out of your throat and into your chest cavity.  I was exposed forty years ago to scientific papers about acoustics in cathedrals and the development of chanting by a lapsed Maronite monk who was a student of composiiton at the Berkeley College of Music.

But the question – given what we read about hacking, mind control, and the domestic shenanignans of the security state — is “Who do you trust?”

DublinMick’s piece on the guru-student relationship  suggests that ‘you can’t get there unless you have the right guru’ and, like many, I’ve spent a lifetime looking for the right guru. 

I suspect I had been provided one but that the karmic gods threw me a curveball when she died five days after she gave birth to me, allegedly helped along by the violent tendencies of my father, a fact made evident to me just recently as I approach a major transition in my own life cycle, hence my interest in re-incarnation and related topics. The search for that guru probably explains in part the effort behind the collection on ‘how to use your mind…’, the summary of which is that you are your own guru; simply look within and harness what was given to you at birth. 

But the kundalini aspects resonate with me for three reasons: 1) the OBE mutually experienced by me and my life-mate during lovemaking with a background of Richard Harris narrating Kahlil Gibran’s Prophet; 2) the epiphany I had on the rocks at Pemaquid; and 3) the book on the secret lessons taught to the disciples written by the 9/11 researcher Mark Gaffney.

I fully embrace the thought that we ought not to be quick to post the theolgical/life/journalistic insights of some fellow from across the chasms of the Internet, but when what you read resonates with what you have experienced in life, there is a certain vibration that sets up.  That’s what happened the first time I read some of the passages in The Gospel According To Thomas. ] 


‘hot date with God’

A  ‘hot date with God’: I was watching TV Tuesday night… I don’t watch it often but my wife and I both are very interested in the mini-series “Proof” starring the attractive and brilliant heart surgeon and the supremely-wealthy entrepeneur chasing down the facts on the entire arena of near-death-similar paranormal events, my wife’s interest being based on an orientation to “past lives”, reincarnation, etc., my interest from having had an NDE … when an ad came on that made me sit up and take notice.

High-end production quality and a focus on 9/11 on a mainstream media channel will do that, and the ad focused on the people who died on 9/11. And then it launched into a suggestion that we “walk” in remembrance, and I gave the TV set the finger.

My wife immediately made a silent note not to go near me for the next 12 hours, and I failed to make note of the advertiser or the charity/sponsor.  At the end of the TV show, I took my re-triggered anger back into my office and began to contemplate what action I could take. I’ve been unable to identify who the advertiser or sponsor were since then, though there have been annual events on the anniversary (which approaches) so I assume it is related and I wonder who organizes them and where the money goes.

Back in my man-cave of an office, I thought about praying for some sort of guidance. I thought about meditating. These would calm me down, at the very least.

My thoughts immediately turned to what I’d read before about unspeakable evil.  The names rattled through my synaptic tree: James Douglass, Thomas Merton, JFK, Gandhi…  I asked the modern-day Delphi oracle (the Internet search engine) to prompt me.

“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. It doesn’t matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.”   Rumi

Centering Prayer is based on the wisdom saying of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount : “ … when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:6).

Fr. Thomas Keating [author of many books but who wrote the introduction in Kundalini Energy and Christian Spirituality: A Pathway to Growth and Healing, by Philip St Romain, illus. Intro. by Thomas Keating (1991) ISBN 0-8245-1062-3 ] has jokingly mused that our practice of Centering Prayer is our ‘hot date with God’ as a way to encourage its relational aspect, and in response to people asking how to make a commitment to their practice.


Thomas Merton Quotes on Evil

  • There are crimes that no one would commit as an individual which he willingly and bravely commits when acting in the name of his society, because he has been (too easily) convinced that evil is entirely different when it is done “for the common good.” As an example, one might point to the way in which racial hatreds and even persecution are admitted by people who consider themselves, and perhaps in some sense are, kind, tolerant, civilized and even humane. But they have acquired a special deformity of conscience as a result of their identification with their group, their immersion in their particular society.
  • Thomas Merton Quotes from

Source of image:

Martin Luther King, Jr., famously stated, “He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” Dr. King also said, “‎History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer likewise would agree that this is an eyes-wide-open, deep moral problem. Said Bonhoeffer, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”

Silence Is Blasphemy

I read a few pages of P.M.H. Atwater’s book on near-death experiences; pages 43-48 offers up the story of Barney Clark, the first recipient of an artificial heart transplant, followed by the tales of a surgeon who treated dozens of victims from the Vietnamese battle scenario in Hue, Saul’s moment on the road to Damascus, other transformative events to a wide range of people, that of Robert Carter III of Nomini Hall Plantation in Virginia, that of the Northumbrian Drythelm as recorded by the Venerable Bede in the 8th century, the experience of JZ Knight/Ramtha, and others.

Among the psychological difficulties associated with intensive spiritual practice we find “Kundalini awakening”, “a complex physio-psychospiritual transformative process described in the yogic tradition”.[46] Researchers in the fields of Transpersonal psychology,[47] and Near-death studies[48][49] have described a complex pattern of sensory, motor, mental and affective symptoms associated with the concept of Kundalini, sometimes called the Kundalini syndrome.[50]

The references are to
Y. Kason, Farther Shores, Exploring How Near-Death, Kundalini and Mystical Experiences Can Transform Ordinary Lives, iUniverse (2000)


Greyson B. Near-death experiences and the physio-kundalini syndrome. Journal of Religion and Health. 1993 Dec;32(4):277-90. PMID 24271550


I ordered a copy of “Kundalini Energy & Christian Spirituality: a Pathway to Growth”.

The 70th Anniversary of the Bombing of Nagasaki

Unwelcome Truths for Church and State

by Gary G. Kohls / August 4th, 2015

70 years ago (August 9, 1945) an all-Christian bomber crew dropped a plutonium bomb over Nagasaki City, Japan, instantly vaporizing, incinerating or otherwise annihilating tens of thousands of innocent civilians, a disproportionately large number of them Japanese Christians. The explosion mortally wounded uncountable thousands of other victims who succumbed to the blast, the intense heat and/or the radiation.


August 1, 1945 was the earliest deployment date for the Japanese bombing missions, and the Target Committee in Washington, D.C. had already developed a list of relatively un-damaged Japanese cities that were to be excluded from the conventional USAAF (US Army Air Force) fire-bombing campaigns (that, during the first half of 1945, had used napalm to burn to the ground over 60 essentially defenseless Japanese cities).

The list of protected cities included Hiroshima, Niigata, Kokura, Kyoto and Nagasaki. Those five cities were to be off-limits to the terror bombings that the other cities were being subjected to. They were to be preserved as potential targets for the new “gimmick” weapon that had been researched and developed in labs and manufacturing plants all across America over the several years since the Manhattan Project had begun.

Ironically, prior to August 6 and 9, the residents of those five cities considered themselves lucky for not having been bombed as had the other large cities. Little did the residents of Hiroshima and Nagasaki know that they were only being temporarily spared from an even worse carnage in an experiment with a new weapon that could cause the mass destruction of entire cities that were populated with hundreds of thousands of live human guinea pigs.


At 11:02 am, during Thursday morning mass, hundreds of Nagasaki Christians were boiled, evaporated, carbonized or otherwise disappeared in a scorching, radioactive fireball that exploded 500 meters above the cathedral. The black rain that soon came down from the mushroom cloud contained the mingled cellular remains of many Nagasaki Shintoists, Buddhists and Christians. The theological implications of Nagasaki’s Black Rain surely should boggle the minds of theologians of all denominations.

The Nagasaki Christian Body Count

Most Nagasaki Christians did not survive the blast. 6,000 of them died instantly, including all who were at confession that morning. Of the 12,000 church members, 8,500 of them eventually died as a result of the bomb. Many of the others were seriously sickened with a highly lethal entirely new disease: radiation sickness.

Three orders of nuns and a Christian girl’s school nearby disappeared into black smoke or became chunks of charcoal. Tens of thousands of other innocent, non-Christian non-combatants also died instantly, and many more were mortally or incurably wounded. Some of the victim’s progeny are still suffering from the trans-generational malignancies and immune deficiencies caused by the deadly plutonium and other radioactive isotopes produced by the bomb.

And here is one of the most important ironic points of this article: What the Japanese Imperial government could not do in 250 years of persecution (i.e., to destroy Japanese Christianity) American Christians did in mere seconds.


Years ago I saw an unpublished Veteran’s Administration study that showed that, whereas most Vietnam War-era soldiers were active members of Christian churches before they went off to war, if they came home with PTSD, the percentage returning to their faith community approached zero. Daniel Hallock’s sobering message above helps explain why that is so.

Therefore the church – at least by its silence on the issue of war – seems to be promoting homicidal violence, contrary to the ethical teachings of Jesus, by failing to teach what the primitive church understood was one of the core teachings of Jesus, who said, in effect, that “violence is forbidden for those who wish to follow me”.

Therefore, by refraining from warning their adolescent members about the faith- and soul-destroying realities of war, the church is directly undermining the “retention” strategies in which all churches engage. The hidden history of Nagasaki has valuable lessons for American Christianity.

Finally, I wandered over to the mind where the-whistle-blower-that-everyone-is-soon-to-know caught my attention and answered the question “Who Is Benjamin Fulford?” and it lead me to this:

I don’t what to make of this. On one hand, it’s “above my pay grade” but appears to be comfortably within the grasp of Fulford’s. On the other hand, it appears to be artfully crafted in its selction of text and prose, saying a lot, crafting a tale that is plausible, yet leaving significant gaps in substantative proof or at least evidence. Once associated with Forbes, which described itself as a “capitalist tool”, we are told Fulford is an unknown, but not to search engines, where he appears to have made appearances around the globe with a wide number of people who would readily be described as on the outer rings of the conspircy theory world.

Go ahead and read “The Real Reson Behind the 9/11 Terror…”  and see what you think.

Scan these as well: [This one notes Fulford’s sources as saying “the earthquakes that occurred in Colorado and the Washington DC area, surrounding August 22nd and 23rd, were, in fact, apparently nuclear strikes against underground military facilities.”] [How deep you want to go?]

When you have run out your own personal string of online inquiry, watch for a report coming out in two days from Wayne Madsen Reports and be sure to get  a hot date with God.



As noted in the previous entry, I had a dream about something being all trussed up like a turkey on the holidays. You can read elsewhere about quantum physics and entanglement and the cosmic mind and the mysteries of paranormal communication; I neither suggest nor reject the idea that something like that was involved….

but, lo and behold, published online shortly thereafter and mirrored quickly was a document which, when you copy it out into a word processing file and enlarge the font to 14 and put in the spacing to make it read more coherently presentable as a readable text, stretches to over 70 pages of text.

It was almost an answer to my cosmic inquiry about the next phase of tactics and strategy from within the 9/11 truth community.

One could mail or e-mail a link or a document to the press, to elected representatives, to libraries and city councils.  What will work?  What will be received with fairness and curiosity given a corrupted legislative and elections process, a press that has been really corrupted by elite wealth, intelligence agency intimidation and infiltration, or the serious campaign addressed with the piece itself?



See also 




Now, the first reaction to mailing a link or a document to the press or the higher-ups in our Republic parasitized into an oligarchic totalitarian panopticon might be “Well, I’ll be drawing unwanted attention to myself and my family” and/or “That’s sure to get on on some list.”

I can’t escape those issues. I’m already signatory on the medical professionals category. Though higher ups in the medical world might ask with some validity why I think I belong on their list, the answer comes in three parts:

a) I didn’t know where else to put myself, since I’m not a military veteran, nor an intelligence professional, nor an academician;

b) I served my society mostly from within the world of emergency response to sudden traumatic or medical insult, and I vibrate spiritually with the first responders who died on 9/11 right after they said “we got a job to do”;

c) while in that medical world, I got myself on the list as a co-author of a position paper by the Physicians for Social Responsibility on the Pentagon’s Reagan-era foolhardiness of thought given the august name of the Civilian-Military Contingency Hospital System, their idea that they could treat the walking wounded from the fringes of a battlefield in Europe fought with mini-nukes. It was my act of social responsibility to ask the open question to other medical professionals “Have you been in an intensive care unit where they have cared for massive burn and trauma wounds and radioactive injury? Do you have any realistic sense of how much nursing staff time and bottled saline and blood plasma that is going to require for even five victims?”


You, dear reader, can’t escape those issues of what to do, what type of action to take, either.

If you haven’t been paying attention over at  and,  let me clue you in.  You’re already on the list, no matter how you feel, no matter who you voted for. Reports coming out in the next few days will make it eminently clear that you are being watched by hosts of people from every angle; as that old rock song will tell you, “every move you make” is recorded, logged, retrievable from the data base, able to be merged and melded with other bits of information.

There is nothing about you that can’t be known or discovered by people with authority and force (and permission to use them both without accountability).  

While many people are working to insure some sort of accountability and oversight, how fast do you think they are going to work in your case?

As Elias Davidsson asks in his lengthy article noted at the top, how is it that someone has gotten away with mass murder of thousands of people for a decade and a half?